Jeremy Vintcent Psychotherapy and Counselling in Brighton and Hove
Psychotherapist in Brighton
About me and how I work
My approach is psychoanalytic.
In a time of uncertainty, we find ourselves facing losses; loss of loved ones, relationships and jobs, to name but a few. The pandemic has affected routines, opportunities, and things like holidays. Things that we used to look forward to, that gave us reference points to live our lives by.
It is part of life that we face loss, but the way we respond to loss is shaped by early attachments in infancy.
In Mourning and Melancholia Freud suggested two responses; to loss. In mourning the the loss is mainly felt externally. The world may seem empty and grey, but this is temporary. Sharing feelings of hurt and sadness with others who we trust, the loss can be accepted and the sense of self can be regained. Going through the process of loss changes us inside, but in a positive way. In many ways mourning is a process that is both temporary and yet deepens our sense of ourselves in the world. One might say that we spend our lives facing losses. As we grieve we instinctively turn our interest to the outside world again. The experience is of feeling alone but able to bear something without feeling empty or worthless.
In mourning it's pretty normal to feel sad.
In melancholia we also feel sad. But the sadness goes on and on. It isn't temporary. In fact for the person suffering, there's a timelessness about it. It is as if something just outside our conscious mind keeps us feeling empty and useless. Freud suggested that in this state there is no conscious process going on, but instead repressed anger, hurt and shame from early infancy. When we observe infants and their caregivers, we see moments of connection, we see ruptures, moments of misattunment. When things go well enough there will be moments of repair as well. No one is spared ruptures in infancy. When the experience of separation, the pain associated with rupture, can't find a voice or can't be heard and understood, then it is repressed and pushed back into the unconscious. This hurt is then felt to be an unwanted experience, rejected by our conscious self. So the ordinary and inevitable painful experiences of separation lead to a kind of hiving off of parts of ourselves. The self that needed, is thought of as needy, exiled and judged. Anger that might have been expressed outwardly, is instead turned back on the self. What is so painful about this state of melancholia is that it's felt as a kind of generalised, non specific sense of worthlessness.
A psychotherapist can hear and help you make meaning of your feelings and past experiences. This creates the opportunity to break with the past and with negative self talk.
I offer an initial consultation in which we meet to discuss your reasons for seeking therapy. It is also a place to talk about previous life experiences, family history and relationship patterns. It gives you the opportunity to explore your expectations, and to ask about the therapeutic process.
